Archive | August 2015

It’s the End of Summer….THAT Time of Year!

Every year around this time I am reminded about a conversation I had with my Rabbi about 10 years ago.

The summer was coming to a close and I found myself in my Rabbi’s office with a box of tissues in front of me. Full disclosure, tissues in front of me was nothing new! ANY time I was in his office during this phase of my life I was crying. Now I understand why that is…I was living in a tremendous amount of misunderstanding (as most of us innocently are) about where our experience as human beings comes from.  Thank G-d, I have been blessed to have gained an understanding of this and now my conversations are not as teary. Anyway…I digress….

So here we are ten years later, August 10th, 2015 with the summer coming to a close. I am at my office trying to finish up and I am on the phone, negotiating with my son about whether or not we were going to pool when I came home. I wanted to take him, he didn’t want to go.  After hanging up the phone, I hear myself say to my colleague, “I can’t wait for school to start!”  when I immediately got reminded of that conversation a decade ago….

After I poured my heart out to my Rabbi about all the “stuff” I was feeling, he said to me…”Chaya, please come back to me 3 weeks after school starts to talk about this.”

Well, as you might have guessed, by the time the third week of school rolled around, there was no need to go see the Rabbi. My mind had settled as it always does. (More about this in blogs to come)

The following year, a few weeks before summers end,  I got a phone call from a woman in my community. She told me that she had called the Rabbi in tears about something and the response she got from him was to call ME! She said that he told her I would know what to say to her!

“Call me back 3 weeks after school starts!”

I get reminded of this every year!

What I know now, however, is that it is NOT that my kids are home all day, or that it is super hot outside, or that High Holidays are coming soon and I have a lot of preparations to do.  It is how I THINK ABOUT my kids around all day and how I THINK ABOUT the weather or the High Holidays!  That is where the Principles of Innate Health have helped me to navigate this time of year with more ease, more joy and less stress.

Don’t worry though….If you call me during this time of year, I won’t tell you to get back to me in a few weeks!

What the Film “Inside Out” Got Right and Innocently Left Out

I was very excited to see the new Pixar movie “Inside Out,” as I assumed from the title that it would be very much in line with the Three Principles of Innate Health, the understanding that explains where our experience actually comes from. I really enjoyed the first part of the movie, as they introduced the characters Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear and Disgust and began to show the audience that each person is having their own experience from the inside. While there was a very valuable message at the end, which is that our feelings are not something to be afraid of and and that they all play a role, there was also a message that I came away with was to me not only inaccurate, but extremely disempowering. You see, I left that movie with anther message that our feelings and our memories are in control of us. After all, the characters are sitting at a control panel! If we use the image of a horse and rider, Pixar innocently casts the feelings as the rider and the person as the horse. I say innocently because most of the 7 billion people on this planet are innocently walking around with a misunderstanding of where our experience actually comes from. And this is why our mental health as a population is not so great, to say the least. Once people see, through insight,  the TRUTH of how the human psychological system works, their mental well being goes up. And this available to anyone – no matter if they are going through life with not problem at all, or they are locked up for mental illness, on death row, or anything in between.

The principles of gravity are the laws that explain our physical experience. You don’t have to know anything about gravity for it to be working on you, right? If you let go of your wine glass, it will shatter. If you walk off a cliff, you will fall.  However, it helps if you know a little bit about how gravity works, because you can live a safer, more effective and productive life. You break less crystal and you look before you take a step, or use a harness and rope when rock climbing. Plus, with some understanding of gravity, we, as creative human beings can then USE gravity to our advantage and fly in airplanes, and send rockets to the moon and beyond.

Like the principles of gravity, so too, there are principles or laws of the psychological experience. I call this our “Psychological Gravity.”  You don’t need to know these laws in order for them to be working on you, however, with a little bit of understanding about what is going on behind the scenes, one can live a safer, more effective and more productive life! You end up breaking less psychological crystal and you don’t have to walk off as many psychological cliffs!  Sounds good, right?

So what are these principles? The Principles are just a metaphor to describe the system. So don’t get too caught up in the words, and instead look for a feeling. This stuff comes not through intellectual understanding but through insight (which does not come “on demand” I am afraid to say!) The Three Principles of Innate Health are (and in no order) Mind, Thought and Consciousness.

Mind is the principle that we are all connected to the formless energy behind life. Some might call this Life Force, others God, others Energy. It doesn’t really matter what you call it. The way I see it and describe it to my clients is that we are all connected to the Great Wi-Fi system and it NEVER goes down!

Thought is the principle that we as human beings were designed with the ability to create through the vehicle of thought. We are talking here about the idea THAT we think, not WHAT we think. Everything we experience starts as formless energy from Mind brought into from through Thought.

Consciousness is the “special effects” system that brings our thoughts to light and life. So whatever the thought in the moment is (and they keep coming, one thought at a time, moment to moment) will look real through the principle of consciousness.

That’s it: Mind, Thought, Consciousness. It’s that simple. And it’s all a Divine Gift.

One more piece that I would be remiss not to include and that is our built in biofeedback system called FEELINGS.  And when I speak of feelings, I don’t just mean emotions. I mean the entire sensory experience that each thought in the moment brings. We no longer need to be afraid of our feelings or need to push them away! Our feelings are actually our best friend because they let us know the quality of the thought in the moment. Our feelings are like the subject line of the myriad of emails that flood most of our inboxes. We take a quick look at the subject line and decide if the email is worthy of my time to read. If the subject is interesting, we open the email. If not, we just move on to the next one. No big deal. Sometimes we end up opening an email that turns out to be spam, because we are human, and humans make mistakes! So too with our feelings. They are an indicator of the quality of the thought in the moment, and thereby I can decide if this is something I want to get interested it or I will just let it go through the system and move on. So now, instead of getting caught up in the content of my thoughts, I am much more interested in the quality of my thoughts. I begin, through insight, to be able to discern whether the thought in the moment is helpful to me or not. And since every thought I have will be followed with a feeling and then Consciousness will make it look real, the feelings let me know if I should BELIEVE it or not.  If I get a settled feeling, a feeling of well-being, I can usually trust it. If the feeling is judgment of self or others, anxiety, fear, anger, worry, panic, control, etc. it usually smells a little fishy to me and it is in my best interest and the interest of those around me, to lay low until it passes. Because MIND will being a new, more helpful thought when my personal thought is not creating static on the wifi system.

Why is this so important to know? Because we all do what we do because we feel what we feel because we think what we think. Again…

We do what we do
We feel what we feel
We think what we think

So with this understanding, people don’t have to act on their feelings just because they are having them and they look real! They can use the feelings as a barometer of the quality of their thinking in the moment, which creates a space between thoughts/feelings and actions. No longer are our feelings at the control panel, as in the film, but they are instead a supporting cast that play a very important role!

The implications? Less friction with your kids, your spouse, your boss, your neighbor, yourself. Less addiction, less mental illness, etc.

There is so much more to say because there is so much more to see!

And I invite you to look!

Chaya Parkoff is an Innate Health Practitioner and Professional Life Coach. She provides coaching in Denver and via skype to women, couples and teens, In addition to private coaching she conducts professional seminars. You can reach her at or 972-740-6306.  

Here are some links for more information on The Three Principles of Innate Health: